diary of an unplanned life: another lost girl

Wednesday, June 22, 2005

A Picture Share!

I look so young...


  • At 6/22/2005 01:22:00 PM, Blogger Brandy said…

    I thought that I would post here so when you either go back to the library or get your internet hooked up on Thursday you will find this more easily.

    Where to start? Your new hair, it looks good on you like it is your own and belongs there, however what you were able to do by cutting it off is amazing and know many other women have thought of it a time or two. I would definitely (if I shaved mine off)go somewhere without the hair. Out of curiosity do you mind me asking what a good wig costs?

    Not cutting myself down or anything but don't think for a second that things are so perfect in anyone's life. Everyone has their problems, all to a different degree. My youngest daughter is now four. When I was up in the 'teens' of my pregnancy weeks I had made an appointment to get an abortion. My dad talked me out of it. He said, "Will you love her any less no matter who the father is?" and I said no. He was scared that something would happen to me when I was getting it done, being so far along. I know now that I was not thinking straight and still don't know how I will ever explain it to my young daughter, hopefully the topic never comes up, but since there are so many assholes in my family I am sure that someone will tell her. I would rather be the first to tell her. The important thing my husband says is that she is here today, you didn't follow through on that decision, and that is what I will tell her, as I do not know what it would be like without seeing her sweet little smile everyday that brightens up my life. As for Adam (you spoke it in your audio blog so I assume it is okay to print it now)I would never let the threat of someone saying they will prove you unfit scare you into getting another abortion (it is hard to take a child away from their mother, I have been threatened a million times and I have met every DHS worker in the county)but do understand the reason you got an abortion is because of what you said you were doing while you didnt know you were pregnant. Don't forget that you and your hubby made an extremely hard decision about your kids in the past that many others would not be capable of doing, and you know that they are being taken care of very well because you are a good parent and were strong enough to make that decision. I myself and my husband have said many times that we would not be able to take care of a handicapped child, I dont think it is a sad thing to say but feel that it is honest. I think that you made the right desision.

    On another note: from an outsaiders point of view; you speak of Adam as he is a god. He sure doesnt sound like it. He may have been by your side during the abortion but that is also a good way to make sure that you went through with the abortion, like another girls said, an abortion is much cheaper than paying child support. I would quit looking up to him so much, you may want similar things in life but the few things that he has done isnt living life to its fullest. They are only the products of being raised in a family with money so he could accomplish those things.

    I dont know if this will help you but at least once in my life this has helped me: Make three goals for yourself each year (dont be drastic, start simple even though it doesnt sound like you) Even though you may not accomplish all three, or may not accomplish two, at least you may accomplish the first one along the way.

    My previous relationship I loved someone who didn't love me back. I went through 6.5 years that way. Hoping things would change, but they don't. Like you said, you either love them or you don't. I would hope for you that you take others' advice and quit this after 6 months. I will never feel about myself the way that I did before I had that relationship. I am told everyday that I am beautiful, that I am loved, and I know that I am. But I will never love myself again, I will never beleive these things no matter how much I am told and how much I want to. You deserve someone to love you the way that you love them, and until there is a love that works both ways I dont see how it will ever work. Do not let this person drag you down in a hole, and no matter how much you want to I would not call him and give him the time of day letting him know that you will be back at work. TRY to ignore him, let him see that you are better than he wants you to be. If you MUST go back to work there, pretend he doesnt exist. TRY...

    Love sucks, or at least it can be miserable. I know that it seems impossible to try to shut them emotions down for someone. But if there is something that sinks in in the past six months, look to see how your relationship with him has changed you. Has it made you happy? What is happy in your eyes?

    I know what your occupation is going to be again. I would never be the one to disapprove of what you are doing, I just know one thing, after making large amounts of money it seems impossible to go back to less. I know it must be nice to have a job where you take good care of yourself and always look good and make good money doing it, but dont get stuck there. Please dont forget about college. I dont want you to be one of those women in her 50's trying to find that next job because of her ager and no education. How long has it been already? Do not forget this. (I just realized I sould like a preacher).

    I have much more to say to you. I am glad that you emailed me so I could post again. Find yourself J___ and dont forget who you are and what you want to do in your life. I let a guy brainfuck me for too long and will not ever let it happen again. I have things that I want to do with my life, and no one will stop me. DON'T let no one stop you.

  • At 6/22/2005 10:45:00 PM, Blogger achromic said…

    lol is the mole fake? it looks like it from the pic's going from one side of the face to the other...

    I made my hair purple and pink and blue for a while... for a whole entire set of reasons like it was easier to talk about my hair then what was really wrong...


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